The nervous system doesn’t care how self-aware you are..
Survival predictions always override insight
Yesterday I found myself in a pace I never imagined - an Israeli military self defence class called Krav Maga.
I’m a lover through and through, certainly not a fighter, but I had to step into this world to support my 15yr old son who is experiencing some pretty heavy bullying at school, and this type of self-defence was recommended.
Krav Maga, though originating from Israel as military self-defence, is taught as personal self-defence for street fighting across the world. In Australia (thankfully) it is a little different to how the Israeli practice it, adapted to suit the local environment.
What surprised me wasn’t the aggression, it was how deeply the training was rooted in nervous system understanding. How the body reacts when it is under threat, and how to neutralise a threat from another as fast as possible, using knowledge of nervous system and physiology.
Among many other things, he shared that in a street fight, or any fight for that matter, if you are trying to defend yourself and you go for someone’s body, limbs, torso etc. the other is still able to override the nervous system response of protection, and retaliate.
However, if your hands reach for the other’s face… the nervous system, which is primed for survival, will always, always, always… prioritise breathing and seeing. So moving to cover someone’s mouth, nose or eyes, or attacking those places, will instantly have them drop any defensive action towards you, and move into fierce self protection. Offering you the opportunity to either get on top of the situation, or ideally, get away.
Given the work that I do I was fascinated by this.
I thought to myself, this is exactly how emotional threat works too.
When someone feels criticised, abandoned, shamed or unsafe in relationship, their nervous system doesn’t care how kind the feedback was, how much work they’ve done on themselves, or how regulated they usually are.. if the threat touches something core.. belonging, worth or safety, the system will override insight and move straight into protection.
That’s when we see defensiveness, shutdown, collapse, people pleasing, harsh responses, control, urgency etc.
Their system is doing exactly what it was trained to do. This is why so many people share with me that even though they know better, their body doesn’t. And they are right.
The nervous system is not responding to the present moment, it is always responding to an old prediction about danger, and until that prediction changes, no amount of insight or calming techniques will hold under pressure.
And to the nervous system, whether it is hands on the face, eyes or mouth that threaten physical survival, or a comment, action or experience that threatens psychological structures built for survival, it responds with the same survival threat.
If you find yourself reacting in ways that you don’t understand or stuck in patterns that keep repeating, consider that your nervous system might be protecting something that at some point in your early history, was experienced as a threat to your survival.
Working to meet this root cause is the only way to sustainably resolve the surface issue. This is the level where real change happens.
Warmly,
Maraya
